She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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