matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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