if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
