all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
