cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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