All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just pee around me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
