Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
