If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize