oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
