OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
