I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
