Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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