I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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