one might say we're banned from that church
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
