did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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