dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
