I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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