i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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