Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
