somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize