I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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