At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
