You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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