I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
