Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
