my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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