Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
