i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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