did you get engaged???
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
