i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
