Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
