The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
