i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
