so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
