My nipple is on Facebook.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
