i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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