you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
