Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
how do you play pong handcuffed?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
