she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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