Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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