The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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