she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I understand Curling. That high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
