I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
