I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
