I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
