Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
