he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
