After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
