Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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