i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
