I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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