Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
