No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
