so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
