How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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