We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
