Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
