hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
