Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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