why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
