Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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