I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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