We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
