piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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