well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize