I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
