He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
