dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
