You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
