So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
