im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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