in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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