He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
